Single Mum Dating Problems And How To Overcome Them

Single parent dating comes with many unique challenges and we can have a hard time trying to navigate the modern dating scene. There have been so many times whilst dating that despite my best efforts, I have just decided to give up. I have been single for years on end because it can be so draining. But there is hope. I have taken the single mum dating problems that I, and many other single mums have faced and overcome and put them all together in this blog post for you!

Why Do We Need To Be Aware Of Single Mum Dating Problems?

I like to share my dating experience with you all as I find there is a real gap for single mums when it comes to dating advice. Doing a quick Google search I found things such as, ‘What you should know when dating a single mum’. ‘Why should you not date a single mum’. ‘Red Flags to look for when dating a single mum’.

Great, so there are tonnes of articles out there teaching others how to date us. Or more specifically, not to date us at all. But what about us? What about us as the single mums they are so freely writing about and often writing off completely?

There isn’t much good advice out there aimed at single mums themselves!

When I first become a single mum, I was just that, a single mum. I wasn’t a woman. I wasn’t worthy of love, I just had to find someone who would take me and my child on. That is what society told me!

That way of thinking needs to change. It has a little, but not completely obviously.

We are women as well as mums and we are deserving of love regardless of our situation. But in saying that, dating as a single mum rather than a single woman has its own set of challenges.

So here are some examples of Single mum Dating Problems And How To overcome Them.

Beating The Single Mum Dating Stereotypes

On our last dating week, we had a special guest post by David. He gave us his amazing insights into the male perspective on dating Single mums and how we can combat the annoying stereotypes.

These stereotypes are just societies outdated perception of us, but never the less there are still some outdated people out there and you are going to come across some whether you like it or not.

As David suggested, if you have found a partner with potential then show him the stereotypes are wrong.

But if this persons poor view of dating women with children is deeply ingrained then I would suggest moving on. Do not waste your time on trying to prove your worth to any one.

You are worthy, always have been worthy and always will be worthy of love!

If someone cannot see it, that is on them and it is none of your business!

Time Constraints

Finding the time to date as a single parent can be tricky. Especially if you do not have every other weekend off like myself.

I have no free time to myself really unless I go out of my way to arrange it. And that is my point here.

If you are dedicated to dating, you really want to find the love of your life and get yourself back out there, then you need to make the time.

This means finding potential dates who are understanding of the fact that I cannot just meet them last minute. Things need to be planned in advance so I can sort child-care.

If you are super busy and need to schedule babysitters then make sure you schedule them in advance and let your potential dates know when you are available.

This has come easier with time as I now have slightly older children. they are teens now mostly, so they can be left alone for a few hours, but I do still have responsibilities and I cannot just disrupt my kids lives at the drop of the hat.

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As I said above, that is easier if your children do go to their Dads every other weekend, then you can make that time about dating.

Although please make sure you are finding time to date yourself also. this is very important when it comes to dating, as you need to fully get to know yourself before you can really know what you want in a partner or relationship.

If like me though you do not have every other weekend off then you will need to plan, plan and plan some more. Maybe you have a good support network who will babysit whilst you go out once a week.

If not then maybe you need to look into getting a babysitter you can trust. This one has always been hard for me as I never trusted any one other than family or close friends to watch my kids.

But if you find a good babysitter that you can gradually build trust with then great! It could mean that you spend a few weeks just leaving them with a sitter for an hour or two and build up gradually whilst you sit in a cafe around the corner. That way you do not need to worry about cutting a date short.

Past Relationship Trauma

So many of us as single mums have a lot of trauma and trust issues surrounding our love lives and ensuring that we heal that before moving on is key to moving into more positive and healthy relationships.

It could be that we had an abusive relationship, or that we have childhood trauma and it has had an impact on how we move in our relationships.

It is also important to take a look at the way in which we attach in relationships. Knowing our attachment issues can have a great positive effect on how we heal and allows us to relax more when we do get into a relationship.

So make sure you make healing a priority for you. You are important. Your children need to to be healed and you need to heal your self in order to attract healthy relationships to you also.

I know the times when I have gotten into my worst and most toxic relationships were when I was a mess. I was carrying trauma and negative beliefs about myself- that in turn attracted some very bad people into my life who took full advantage of my vulnerability!

Finding Someone Who Is Acceptable Around Your Children

One thing that can be tricky when dating as a single mum, is that if you are dating in the hopes of finding a long term partner, you are not only dating for you, but for your children.

That may seem a bit odd when you are only just beginning to date as you probably haven’t yet thought about introducing a partner to your children, but further down the line is this person suitable to around them?

This is where setting standards and healthy boundaries are important for single mums.

Some things to look out for are:

• Is this person reliable?
• Do they show good communication skills?
• is this person respectful to me and others?
• Do we share similar values?
• Is this person patient and understanding that you need to take things at your own pace?

Working on your own standards and boundaries will help you to bring in more aligned people who will be a better fit for your family. Regardless of whether the other parent is involved or not, this person could potentially become another parental figure in their life.

Introducing A New Partner To Your Children

This is something to think about a little further down the line, but never the less it is something to think about, and you already be thinking about how it can work.

Introducing a new partner into the household may be tricky, but blended families can be so loving and beautiful when done right. In the previous section I touched on making sure you are setting your standards so that the person coming in is a good fit.

Our children are our priority at the end of the day and a new person coming in needs to accept that the children come first.

But your children do also need to accept that you are entitled to a new partner. As long as you are keeping them safe and the person you have introduced is good to them then they will have to accept it.

It sounds harsh, but a lot of children will not like that your attention is split, and they may start lashing out in retaliation. Especially if you have been single a long time.

Introducing them slowly rather than just bombarding them with this new person is a good way to go. You need to find a balance where you are listening to and respecting their feelings about the situation, whilst also not allowing them to dictate your love life.

Also making the experience fun for them and making it clear that this person is not a replacement parent!

Having An Ex In The Picture

Having an ex in the picture is always going to be a bit tricky for everyone involved. But if you have a good relationship with your ex and you are able to co-parent effectively and responsibly then it should not be an issue.

If this is the case then you should have a conversation with your ex about what is expected on both parts when it comes to new partners and the children.

Is there a time frame in which you are both comfortable introducing a new partner?

How should it be done?

Should you meet each others partners first?

Just be aware that this can be difficult to manage and if you do not have a good relationship with your ex, then boundaries need to be firmly in place.

Your ex doesn’t actually have any right to have a say in who you allow around your children. Especially if there are no safeguarding concerns and you are responsible.

Obviously it is good practice and much nicer for the children if everyone can get along and be mature about the situation. But unfortunately that is not always the case.

From your end just make sure you are doing all you can to stay respectful and make sure your new partner is aware of the situation. Being up front and honest about your situation from the beginning is paramount.

But Your ex should not be coming in between you or causing any issues.

Having The Energy To Date

This one can be tricky, as I said above, if you really want it then you will find a way to make time for it. But what if you do not have the energy?

As single mums we are often leading very busy lives. And in those busy times we are often neglecting ourselves too.

Some ways of combating this is to make sure you are getting enough sleep. Easier said than done if your children are not sleeping through the night. But if they are and you can then make sure you have a good sleeping schedule.

Try these Guided meditations to get your sleeping habits back on track!

We should also always be making sure we are taking time for self-care and looking after our bodies. If dating is something you want to pursue but you are just too tired then make sure you are balancing out your schedule. Ensure that you are creating some time for yourself!

If you find you cannot find the time in your schedule, because your baby is up all night, every night. Or you just have too many other things going on, then it is ok to accept being single for now. It may just not be the right time for you to date.

I know as writing this, I am not making dating a priority at all. I have 3 kids, 2 are home schooled, we live in an area where the dating pool is extremely shallow. In addition to that, I am working hard on my business, so timing isn’t right.

But I have accepted that is how life is for me right now and that is ok. I am using this time to concentrate on my goals, my self-care and self-love. I am making myself and my business my priority (and of course my children but that goes without saying!).

Navigating The Online Dating World

These days the only way to date seems to be online dating. The days of actually meeting people in person seem long gone. And this can be especially true for Single mums.

Getting out into the world enough without your children can be tough. So online dating can provide a fantastic solution, and I am not fully against it.

It is great that you can get to know someone before meeting them. You can get a bit of an idea of whether they are good for you. And all from the comfort of your own home.

But as we all know, it also comes with its pitfalls. There is the ghosting, the weirdos and the dick pics! Sorry fellas but if we haven’t asked then we don’t wanna see it!

But what are the alternatives?

I live in a bit of a dead zone at the minute, but if I was in a bit more of a lively town, I would start looking at alternatives to online dating. If you get some childfree time or can arrange a babysitter then solo dates are a great place to start.

Go out and start doing the things you love, pick up a new hobby or look at singles meet ups and events in your area.

Meet up is a great app for finding new singles events. I love the idea of speed dating too! The point is, that if you find online dating a chore rather than fun and it just isn’t working, then there are alternatives out there!

In Conclusion Can Single Mum Dating Problems Be Overcome?

100% yes! It is very possible for single mothers to have a full and fun dating life.

Obviously as we discussed, it may require more planning, you must put your own self-care and needs first, and you are going to come across people who are just not cut out to date women with children. But that is their issue, not yours!

Just remember, having a partner does not define you. Yes you are worthy of love, but you are no less worthy because you haven’t found it yet!