Relationship Attachment styles: What’s Your Style?

Do You Know the difference between the relationship Attachment styles? Have you thought about which styles you encompass? If so how do they effect the way you then heal after a relationship or friendship ends? Does it even have an impact on how you heal? This article aims to give you an insight into the different types of Attachment styles and show you how important it is to acknowledge and work on them.

I spoke a bit about journaling to heal a broken heart in my post Three ways to Heal Your Broken Heart here! Check it out! Part of journaling to heal is figuring out the reasons behind your emotions and your reactions. So if you are currently going through a break-up take a look, it may help more than you realise!

What Are Relationship Attachment styles?

Attachment Styles are basically the way we bond and attach ourselves to our adult relationships. It is thought that we originally form these styles in our Early Childhood, and they possibly originate from the type of care we received as Young children. you can read more on the Psychology behind Attachment theory At verywellmind.com. There Are many different ways in which we attach ourselves to the relationships we are in.

What Is The Point In Knowing Your Attachment Style?

Knowing the type of attachment style you have formed can help you become more self-aware and build healthy relationships. This is because once we know what our Attachment style is and why we behave and think the way we do, we can then move on to learning new ways to regulate our own emotions and tend to our own needs in times of stress. This will go a long way to helping you on your healing journey and contribute positively to your mental health.

Just a note to say also that Attachment styles don’t only extend to Romantic Partners or romantic relationships, attachment can be formed to friendships and family also.

The Four Different Attachment Styles:

Secure Attachment:

Securely attached individuals are comfortable with intimacy and have the ability to balance dependence and independence in relationships. Secure attachment is thought to be the result of feeling secure with your caregivers from early childhood and being able to seek reassurance or validation without the fear or worry of punishment. Some of the signs you are the secure attachment type are:

• You have the ability to regulate your emotions
• You easily trust others
• You have effective communication skills
• You have the ability to seek emotional support
• You are comfortable with being alone
• You are comfortable in close relationships
• You have the ability to self-reflect in partnerships
• You are easy to connect with
• You can manage conflict well
• You have high self-esteem
• You have the ability to be emotionally available

Anxious Attachment (AkA- anxious-ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied):

Individuals who identify with the Anxious Attachment style will often crave intimacy and will be overly dependent and demanding in their relationships. You will find that people in this category will have a deep Fear of rejection and abandonment and will often depend on a partner for validation and emotional regulation which often leads to co-dependant tendencies. This attachment style is thought to stem from inconsistent parenting that isn’t attuned to a child’s needs and signs that this may be your style are:

• A tendency to be clingy
• The need for constant reassurance
• Are highly sensitive to criticism (real or perceived)
• The need for approval from others
• A tendency to get jealous
• Have difficulty being alone
• Have low self-esteem
• Often feels unworthy of love
• Has an intense fear of rejection
• Has a significant fear of abandonment
• Has difficulty trusting others

Avoidant Attachment/ Insecure attachment:

People who have this style of attachment will have a strong sense of self-sufficiency, often to the point of appearing detached. Individuals with Avoidant attachment value their independence highly and may seem uninterested in close or intimate relationships. In childhood, there is a chance you may have had strict or emotionally distant and absent parents/ caregivers. You may have been left to fend for yourself or rejected and reprimanded for expressing your needs and emotions. Sign you may fall into this category are:

• you persistently avoid physical or emotional intimacy
• You feel a strong sense of independence
• You are uncomfortable expressing your feelings
• You are dismissive of others
• You have a hard time trusting people
• You feel threatened by anyone who tries to get close to you
• You spend more time alone than interacting with others
• You believe you don’t need others in your life
• It may seem that you have Commitment issues

Disorganised Attachment/ Fearful Attachment:

Individuals with a fearful/ Disorganised attachment style desire close relationships and have a fear of being vulnerable. They may display unpredictability in relationships due to an internal conflict between a desire for intimacy and the fear of it. It is likely that somebody with a disorganized attachment style may have experienced childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. sign you may be have disorganised or fearful attachment are:

• You have a fear of rejection
• You are unable to regulate your emotions
• Display contradictory behaviours
• You have high levels of anxiety
• You have difficulty trusting others
• You Show signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles

Conclusion

I hope this list of the Four Relationship Attachment Styles proved helpful to you. It does not matter which one you fall into, you are still worthy of love, you are not a write off or incapable of being in a Healthy Relationship. We are all human and we all have Emotional needs! This information is meant to help you to be able to find ways in which you can identify and work on those needs, so you can go into future relationships in a more healthy and informed way.