Going through a breakup as a single mum can feel very lonely at times. It can be a difficult time in your life and a time when you really do not want to be alone. But as Single parents we are alone more often than not through our breakups and I am here to show you how to deal with a breakup alone, one step at a time and get you back to feeling like yourself again… or maybe even a better version of yourself!
How You Can Deal With A Breakup Alone As A Single Mum
Painful breakups are hard for anyone to go through, and unfortunately a lot of advice out there is aimed at single people. Not single people with children. As a single mum you are having to deal with all of the usual negative thoughts, negative emotions and negative feelings of heartbreak whilst still making your children a top priority. It isn’t easy, but it is possible.
I have been through a few breakups myself and have had to drag myself back with no one there to hold my hand. I couldn’t just go out partying, fly off on holiday or even join a gym as I had kids at home to care for. This is usually the advise given.
And whilst yes there is still some of that advise in this post, there are alternatives too!
It can be tough to see the positive now but as hard as the end of a relationship can be, it can also represent the beginning of a brand new life full of new people, new experiences and new adventures!
1. Know That It Is Ok To Feel Down
I know it is easy to keep trying to push your negative feelings away and just soldier on as if nothing has happened. But that is never a healthy way to deal with a broken heart.
In fact it is an almost sure fire way to lead on to further mental health problems. Instead allow yourself to feel your feelings with no judgment.
I know it is hard, but it wont hurt your children to see you expressing your emotions. In fact it will allow them to understand that everyone feels bad at times and them seeing you working through your feelings in a healthy way will help them to process their own feelings.
2. Seek professional help
If you are feeling down for a prolonged period of time and there really doesn’t seem to be any way out then please do not be put off of seeking professional help.
I know there can be stigma attached to it, but it really is nothing to be ashamed of. Being a single mum is hard work, Emotionally and physically. And when you are then going through a breakup and dealing with even bigger and trickier emotions, it can take its toll.
You would not be the first or the last to need a little bit of help along the way.
3. Get support where you can
I know that for some of us, this is easier said than done. Not everyone has that village that people talk about to rally around you and help out.
If you do have a close friend or family members then reach out and let them know you need a little bit of emotional or even physical or social support. I know the times when my mental health has been at its worst is when I have been isolated for long periods of time. This happens so often as single parents. But it doesn’t need to.
If you do not have a close family or friend then it is time to start looking. If your children are young it is a lot easier I think as there are mother and toddler groups etc and even just taking your kids to soft play can get you chatting to other parents.
If like me, your children are now a bit older then you may need to find some other ways to start socialising and making friends which I will cover in the next couple of points.
Or if you feel that you may have sunken deep into depression from your heartbreak, then maybe see if there is a local mental health or divorce support group you can join.
Like I said, there is no shame in this. Everyone is there for similar reasons and you may make a new friend in someone who has been through similar situations.
4. Join a New Club Or Meeting
Think of something you like and join a local group. Do you enjoy a sport? Gym classes? If so then see if you can join something local to you, where you can start meeting new people and potentially making new friends.
These are great ways you can broaden your social circle and meet some amazing new people!
I struggle to get out as in my current area, there really is nothing to do and no groups that I can find to join where I will find my people… we pretty much live in a dead zone at the minute. So I joined meet up where there are lots of virtual meetings for all sorts of things. I rave about that app a lot, but it has been an actual lifesaver for me since living here.
I know that having online friends is not the same as having real life ones, but it can help you to boost your confidence up, as we know that confidence and self-esteem often falls away after a break up. Joining a meet up can just give you something to look forward to and people to chat to.
I joined a few for writers and they have been fantastic in helping my career as well as combating some of the loneliness I have been feeling. I know that I now have the confidence again to meet new people when we finally move back to civilisation.
5. Plan For The Future
How do you really want your life to look? Do you want to be at home moping and sad? I imagine not.
Like I said, it is important to work through your feelings 100%. But there comes a time when you need to look at what you really want from life. Get back a sense of purpose and move on.
I know it may seem hard at first, but making plans is a great first step.
Do you want to go back to work? Or maybe you already work, but you want to do something different? Start looking at course and finding ways you can do it.
Concentrate on your own personal growth instead of looking to the past relationship and go and achieve those dreams.
6. Find a new Hobby
This is Similar to point 4, but this could be in your own home if you aren’t able to get out.
What do you enjoy doing? Photography? Painting? Crochet? Writing? Gaming? There are endless hobbies out there that you can get yourself into.
If you aren’t sure they do a quick google search and I am sure you will find something you will enjoy. Even if it requires you to learn a new skill. If it sounds interesting then give it a go!
It is important as single mums to also make sure we still maintain some of our own identity and do the things that we enjoy!
7. Practice self care
I have a whole post on self care for single mums. Check it out and make sure you are allowing time to take care of you.
Doing the most important things such as eating healthily, getting enough exercise and getting enough sleep are the basics.
But self care goes far beyond that!
8. Embrace The Single life
During the breakup process please do your best to avoid rebound relationships of any kind! You may think it seems like a great way to get over your ex, but I am telling you now, all it will do is make things worse.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to never date again or even find a friend with benefits. But wait until you have healed a little first!
Being in a relationship is not the be all and end all of life. Take this time to really get to know yourself and learn to enjoy your own company and embrace your freedom to do what you want, when you want!
Take yourself out on solo dates if you can, make plans with some of the new friends you are meeting on your new adventures!
Make sure you really know what you want before jumping head first into any new relationships.
9. Reach out to old friends
Maybe there are some friends that you have lost touch with over the years, but you miss their friendship.
There are many reasons why we lose friends and most people would be happy to rekindle that friendship.
If there is someone you miss (Not an Ex Partner), and there was no bad blood between you both then it may be a good idea to reach out!
10. Stop following Their Social media accounts
This one goes for anyone who is going through a break up. Remove them from social media.
This is especially true if they are now childfree and you are the one left holding the babies.
Whilst we wouldn’t want it any other way, it can feel like a punch in the gut when you see them able to go out and about living their best life when you are struggling to get any time for yourself!
So cut them off. Do not torture yourself by watching their every move. It will hold you back in so many ways.
How To Deal With A Break Up Alone In Conclusion
Yes, break ups are hard. Breakups as a Single mum alone are even harder.
But you have so much to look forward to. There are so many new people to meet and new places to go. Do not let this heart break hold you back any longer.
Work through your feelings, take some time to get to know yourself again and move on to live your best life yet!