So hopefully You have read my post on 3 Amazing Ways To Heal Your Broken Heart, if not, then do it now! Its Packed full of ways you can heal yourself before we dive in to Co- Parenting whilst healing.
I mentioned in the above post, One part of healing requires going No Contact with the person you are trying to heal from.
What is No-Contact?
No contact doesn’t just mean do not call, text or speak to the person you are healing from. Maybe back in the day that was the case, but these days it is much different.
But it also means, you need to…
- Remove them from social media.
- Clear out the memories of them from your phone.
- Remove their things from your home.
Basically, you need to remove as many reminders of them as possible.
Anything that will trigger a memory of them you should remove.
But why Would You Go No-Contact?
There are many reasons why you would go No-Contact. You may be dealing with a Narcissist, or maybe there was abuse in your relationship. If that is the case then No-Contact is 100% the right thing to do, just please make sure you are safe and getting the support you need… we will discuss more on dealing with and overcoming abuse in another post!
But for now, we are going to concentrate on going No- Contact when you are Heartbroken.
The reason why going No- Contact is so important, is that when we are in love our brains are addicted to those feelings, and those feelings are attached to that person.
And what is the best way to fight an addiction?
GOING COLD TURKEY!
There have been studies that show that the hormones and parts of our brains which light up and activate when we are in love, are similar to those of a Heroin addict.
CRAZY RIGHT?
In all my years of dealing with heartbreak, I only found this out in recent years. But it makes sooooo much sense!
Have you noticed when going through heartbreak of any kind, your physical health can decline? Your body hurts? You can only think of that one person or situation… ALL. THE. TIME?
Because you are an addict! I mean obviously there are so many worse things you can be addicted to than Love. But if the relationship is over then it is just as unhealthy for you physically and mentally to keep feeding that addiction!
Read more about the effects of love and heartbreak on the brain Here in Psychology Today.
How do you go No- Contact when you are co-parenting?
It isn’t easy and obviously if there are no concerns regarding your ex partners parenting, then it is important for you to nurture their relationship.
But yes, this means that occasionally you are going to have to see that person when you are handing the children over.
This may set you back a little, I’m not even going to pretend that it will be easy! But all is not lost!
You Absolutely can still heal whilst Co- Parenting!!!
What you can do, is still limit all UNESCESARY contact!
- Unless there is any important info regarding the child, you do not need to make small talk or chat about anything on hand over!
- Get rid of all pictures (saving any in a box or a file that your children may want to see when they are older!)
- You can still remove them from social media. You really do not need to have them on Facebook or Instagram. There is absolutely no need for you to know what they are up to, what they had for lunch or where they are.
It is a much more tricky situation to navigate when you are co- parenting, but it is still possible to heal yourself.
CHECK OUT MY JOURNAL HERE
Other ways you can help keep yourself on track with no- contact is to make sure you are taking care of your own needs whilst your children are away.
Self-care as a single parent is so important and even more so when you are healing your broken heart.
Ensure that you make the most of that time when your children are away to fully immerse yourself into your own healing.
Grab Your Copy of Heartbroken to Healed and take it a day at a time! Journaling is a fantastic way to help you to heal!
Going No- Contact when you are Co- parenting does not need to be forever! Provided that your ex is safe and non- abusive, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be friends in the future.
It is great for kids when their parents get along and communicate effectively. But first you need to concentrate on yourself and your own healing before moving on to that stage!