Amazing Life Lessons Learned From Having Autistic Children

Being an Autism mum is hard work! There is no getting around it! We love our children more than anything in the world, they are Amazing humans! In addition to being able to be around these Amazing humans, having Autistic Children has enabled me to open my eyes to a different world and taught me some very Important life lessons!

What Having Autistic Children Has Taught ME About Life

Unfortunately the world is not always forgiving. The world is not made for our wild, wonderful and differently thinking children and sometimes it isn’t made for us either!

I am a single mum- like a single, single Mum. I parent 24/7 with little to no support. Everything my children have and have achieved is because I myself have worked bloody hard for it- and because they themselves are Frigging amazing! Although some people may not agree as we do not fit in with the norms of society!

But that in itself is a huge lesson for us all… you do not need to fit in to this crazy world to be Amazing!

I have 3 children who are all on the Autism spectrum… one of which is also transgender!

Shock, Horror, disbelief!

In some peoples eyes that means they do not fit into a little box of perfectionism which means they do not want to spend any time getting to know them or spend time with them.

No, my children are not always ready and willing for Instagram-ready photos.

No my children will not always follow the rules that YOU set.

No, my children will not immediately love YOU and behave exactly how YOU expect children to behave…

But…

My weird, odd, wild, rebellious children bring new perspectives to the world.

They smash down the doors of oppression and limitations everyday.

They have different ideas that bring a world of new opportunities.

They think outside the box and refuse to be confined and boxed in by societal expectations.

They set standards of how they will be treated and what they will tolerate.

And yes… If you want to be in their lives, you will need to actually put in some effort, which brings me perfectly to my first point…

Not Everyone Deserves To Be In Your Life

I have had to take a good long look over the years at who deserves to access mine and my children’s frigging awesome energy. And a lot of people have not made the cut- Sorry not sorry!

They really have taught me that not everyone deserves to be around your energy! Not everyone deserves access to your wisdom, your kindness, your love or your respect!

They refuse to spend time with people who:

1. Refuse to try and Understand how their minds work
2. Don’t Spend some quality time with them to earn their trust
3. Are not open minded and realise that not every child is the same and fits into a perfect little box!

But do you know what? The people who do put the effort in, the people who do genuinely love and care for them and put real, genuine effort into them… they do not regret it for a second!

And although my children may not have any desire to Indulge in your small talk if they don’t know you or you have disrespected them, they will not reduce themselves so you feel better about yourself and they will not lower their standards in order to meet your limited expectations of what a child should be…

They will teach you that you are also awesome and you don’t have to put up with disrespectful/ negligent people either!

You Can Do Amazing Things Too

My children have taught me and the people who have spent time getting to know them that you can do anything that you Put your mind to.

My children have achieved so much more than was ever expected of them!

My eldest was always a school refuser. She really struggled socially which had a severe impact on her mental health and our relationship. And due to the limited knowledge and support of the government and the ignorance of most of society, her traditional education and childhood memories were completely ruined!

She was not able to attend school, she was outcast and rejected from so many opportunities that every other person her age has easy access to. Yet instead of actual support, I was told that if I didn’t just force her to do what was making her so ill and affecting her mental health, then she would be a failure her whole life…

And yet she is well on her way to studying psychology in University!

She is clever, she is smart, she is amazing and those who have spent time with her see that she is actually empathetic and caring and loving… you just have to earn her trust!

The point is that the most successful people do not limit themselves, lower their standards to make others feel better, or think inside the box. Which is yet another life lesson.

Think Outside The Box

As I said above, despite the fact that my eldest was on the verge of doing some serious damage to her self due to severe depression which we could not access support for, as there is a serious lack of support within the NHS for any child with mental health issues. People were judgmental at my choice to eventually home school her, as well now my youngest too who started suffering a similar fete and yet it works!

My children who otherwise may have ended up as another suicide statistic, can now learn in an environment where they feel safe and supported rather that judged, ridiculed and outcast.

This was not an easy choice to make at first as home education is still seen as not adequate, weird, odd. So I had to think outside the box and go against what people around me considered normal.

This out side the box thinking can be taken into many of our own lives.

Thinking inside the box and living your life how society tells you you should live it can often keep you stuck if you are not able or wanting to live how others are living.

I spent too many years thinking inside the box, when I was made to live out side of it, which means I wasted so many years, and messed my life up in so many ways, when I really should have gone with my gut and leaped from the box!

Follow Your Gut Instinct

My children have taught me that you should always follow your gut instinct… if something don’t feel right, it probably isn’t. they will tell me first if there is something ‘wrong’ about a person, and you what? they are ALWAYS right!

I never used to listen, I used to put it down to them being awkward or jealous, and yet when I stepped back and took a good look at the people who have come and gone from our lives, the ones who ended up causing me or us the most damage… were the ones my children had never liked!

I still always remain objective and actually look at the facts, but now if my child is telling me they do not want to be around a person, then I will take a step back and listen to what they are telling me instead of just shrugging it off!

This is not only for prospective partners or dates, but for friends and family too.

If my children don’t like a place or a person, they will remove themselves from it. Whereas I have always gone against my gut instinct. I never trusted it. Instead I listened to what the world was telling me. I listened to everyone except myself and I have paid the price on numerous occasions.

So trust your gut!

Stop People Pleasing

My children will no longer reduce themselves, limit themselves or put themselves in a box to make others like them! They used to have to when when they were in school. They would mask and it caused them so much pain. I now try to teach them that they do not need to do that anymore and in return they have helped me to realise my own people pleasing traits.

As a former people pleaser and dare I say it… “Sheep”, I have often moulded myself into what others expect me to be. I have given people far more of my love, respect, loyalty and trust than they have ever earned. And it has cost me… A lot!

I would put myself into situations and spend time with people that caused me stress and made me feel rubbish about myself… just so I didn’t upset anyone else, or so that I fit in.

But my wonderful and amazing children have taught me that actually honouring your needs, your boundaries and your standards, not only eliminates the people unworthy of you, but brings in the people who are!