Date Yourself To Find Yourself: Amazing things Will Happen

If you have read my previous post on Raising Your Dating Standards, You may have discovered or started thinking about what you like in a partner. But… How do you know what you like or how you want to be treated if you don’t date yourself?

More often than not, we get hung up on other people and what they like, and what makes them happy, that we often forget to actually think about our own wants and needs.

I remember sitting opposite a guy on our first date and he asked the dreaded question: “So what do you like doing in your spare time?”

And you know what? I couldn’t think of a single response. Not one!

I was almost 30 at the time and I had absolutely NO IDEA what I wanted to do in my spare time. Honestly as a Single Mum with little support, I don’t have a lot of spare time, I really don’t, not that I can spend solely focused on me…

But when I go on a date or I get a little bit of free time, I should know what I like!

It can be a difficult one for Single Mums as our main focus is ALWAYS going to be our children.

Some of us have spent years and years taking care of and putting our little ones needs first and foremost (Which is important), we would never neglect their needs or their entertainment.

But we are so happy to neglect our own?!

When mine were younger, I could list off every programme they enjoyed, their favourite park, their favourite animal, their favourite food!

I knew where they liked to go and what they liked to do…

Yet when someone asked me… I drew a blank.

What Does This Have To Do With Dating Yourself?

There are Two main reasons why dating yourself to find yourself will bring you amazing results in your life.

1. We Realise Our Own Worth: The problem with all I have said above is that we don’t see ourselves as important enough to have needs. We don’t see the value of our own selves, And when we become so accustomed to putting ourselves last, we potentially end up doing that in our next relationship too. It also gives us the opportunity to think about and set our standards and needs from a partner and a relationship. Read more about setting standards here!
2. We find our passions: Spending time alone and fully focused on ourselves, means that we can try out new things and really hone in on what lights us up, what makes us feel alive again. This can give us a new sense of self as a woman again and not just a mother!

So really, Dating yourself and finding your passions is bringing you one step closer to really seeing your worth and uplevelling your life!

This can feel selfish, I know! As parents we often have this overwhelming sense of guilt when we focus on ourselves and not our children. But you need to shift that mindset.

If you are happy and following your passions, if you are loving yourself more and seeing yourself as important, that is only going to have a positive effect on your children.

Ways You Can Date Yourself As A Single Mum when you can’t leave the house

I absolutely love listening to and following Lyss Boss- Date Yourself Instead. She has some amazing tips and info on dating and living your best life which have helped me so much.

Lyss lives an amazing lifestyle that I could only dream of and some of her ideas of dating yourself, I really hope to do one day, but for now I have very different circumstances.

It can be tricky to navigate, I’m not gonna lie. I am a lone parent, which means I parent alone 100% of the time! My children do not go to their Dads every weekend so this can make it difficult to find time specifically just for me.

If you are in the same situation as me then just spending some time of an evening doing the things you enjoy can be a great starting point.

Dine By Candle Light

Maybe set an evening once a week where you don’t eat dinner with the kids, you wait until their in bed and cook your self a fancy meal… maybe try out a new recipe that the kids would never want to eat, therefore its never made it on the family menu.

Light some candles, pour a glass of Red, and pop on some soft music. Sit with yourself and savour every bite without anyone asking you to cut up their food, or telling you the latest random fact they have just learned!

Just really start embodying that Queen energy! I absolutely love listening to and reading Tonya Leighs teachings on this… check out her post on Queen energy Here!

This may seem a bit silly at first, but just treating yourself like you matter and you are important, whilst enjoying some delicious food in complete solitude can make a huge difference to how you think about yourself!

Do you have any hobbies?

If not, then why?

The point of dating yourself is to find yourself. And as we are often unable to leave the house to do so, then maybe find something at home that you really enjoy.

Again this is probably in the evening when the kids are in bed. Make it cosy and loving, light those candles (can you tell I have a lot of candles?) and persue a hobbie.

Be that writing, painting, Journaling… whatever it is, do it with purpose and enjoy it. Enjoy your own company, enjoy your own thoughts and feelings.

If you really don’t know what your hobbies are, there are tonnes of ideas all over the internet.

Maybe your date night is just researching things you might like to do. The point is that you are putting effort in and investing in yourself!

Movie Nights

Is there a new film you want to watch? Grab the popcorn and a glass of wine, cosy up on the sofa and enjoy it alone!

My TV is often taken up by what everyone else wants to watch. Very rarely do I get to sit and just enjoy something for myself.

So I make it a point that once a month I send the kids to their rooms earlier (even the 17 year old, although we do enjoy a movie night together too!) and just sit alone and watch what I want to watch.

I do it with the Intention and Purpose of spending time Dating myself… again, I light the candles and grab my fluffy blanket and stay in the present moment, enjoying my own company.

How To Date Yourself Outside The Home

If you share custody of your children, those weekends can be very lonely. Maybe you fill them up with other tasks and people just to get through them.

But what if you started actually spending some of that time dating yourself?

Spending time alone allows you to not have to worry about or think of anyone or anything other than what YOU want to do.

I would say that you should dedicate a Minimum of one day per month exclusively to yourself if you can.

Think about what you want to do. And get out of your comfort zone!

Dress up and have a meal at your favourite restaurant- or better yet, try a new fancy restaurant: “Table for one please!” Who wouldn’t feel happy surrounded by good food and drink? Try a new restaurant that you wouldn’t dare take the kids to. Enjoy the time to relax and enjoy Amazing food!

Go to an Art exhibition: Maybe you like looking at Art, maybe you don’t, but see what’s on in your local area and try it out. You never know!

Go to the movies: Going to the movies alone is actually amazing, no one sat next to you chewing and you don’t have to share the popcorn! Win Win!

Picnic in the park: Dust off that picnic basket and fill it with all the goodies you enjoy. (Don’t forget the bubbly!) Go to a lovely park, maybe take a book or a sketch pad and spend the afternoon enjoying the sunshine!

If you have any other Ideas on how to Date Yourself then please leave us a comment below 🙂

Take a walk along the beach: I love a walk along the beach alone. The sound of the waves are so soothing. I find it really helps to clear my mind.

Go to a concert: Find out if your fave bands are playing near you soon. Maybe none of your friends are into the same music and just wouldn’t appreciate it. So surround yourself with people who do!

Attend a comedy show: Do you have a comedy bar near you? Or maybe there is a comedian you like currently on tour? Go by yourself and laugh as loud as you want.

Go to a Paint and Sip session: These look like so much fun. You get to drink wine whilst taking an art class! Sounds perfect and is on my list for sure!

Basically anything you could do on a date with someone else, you can do by yourself.

The point is, you need to push yourself, and don’t be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable about doing these things alone.

You really are doing yourself a huge favour and bringing yourself back in to Alignment with the real you.

This is only going to help you when it comes to dating. If you get into the habit of putting yourself first, you will be less likely to put yourself last in a relationship.

Also, knowing what you want and like, and actually doing those things could open up opportunities to meet people who are far mor in alignment with you… But that is not the point of Dating Yourself, so don’t go into it with that intention.

Plus, if you are feeling very Attached to the idea that you need someone, maybe you need a confidence boost or need to learn to love and trust yourself, Dating Yourself will really help you to detach from those negative ideas and Help you to start falling in Love with you!

ALSO, CHECK OUT THIS POST 3 REASONS WHY GOING ON RUBBISH DATES IS AN AMAZING THING!!!