Dating as a single mum can be very tricky, not only are we trying to schedule dates around our busy schedules, but we are also having to fight through the negative dating stereotypes that are placed on us.
That is why Today we have a very special guest post by David N. Price. David writes on love, dating and marriage over on his website LifeLoveMarriage.com, and he has some fantastic insights for us on how we can combat those annoying and very negative dating stereotypes.
It is great to look at things from a different angle, especially when things aren’t going quite as we had hoped. So I am very excited to share David’s post which will provide you with the male perspective.
Don’t Forget to check out David’s Bio at the end of this post where you will find links to his website and socials!
Happy Reading!
7 Ways Single Moms Can Beat The Negative Dating Stereotypes
All you have to do is turn on a manosphere or red pill men’s channel for about 5 minutes and you’ll be inundated with reasons why a man should never date a single mom and while many of them are bogus, as a single mom looking for love you are going up against these negative stereotypes with every potential date.
And the research has shown just how much stereotyping exist about single parents and dating and how different those stereotypes are for men and women.
So what do single moms do? Do they give up on dating? Settle for their kids and some cats? No. You simply have to portray yourself in a way that shows the man who’s caught your attention that those stereotypes are just that, stupid stereotypes that don’t reflect who you are as a woman.
Some people assume that single moms are desperate, irresponsible, bitter, or promiscuous. Others think that single moms are doomed to fail in relationships, or that their children will suffer from their dating choices.
These stereotypes can hurt single moms’ self-esteem, limit their dating opportunities, and affect their happiness.
But single moms don’t have to let these stereotypes define them or hold them back. Single moms can beat the negative dating stereotypes by embracing their strengths, challenging the myths, and finding supportive and respectful partners. Here are seven ways single moms can do that.
Now ladies, some of the things I am going to talk about sound and can be harsh, but the reality is that you deserve to know the truth of how men really feel and what they really want.
And I promise if you can get past how some of these stereotypes sound, you will be able to go into your next date with the knowledge to show him the incredible kind of woman you truly are.
1. Recognize your value and worth as a woman and partner not just a mom
Single moms are amazing women who juggle multiple roles and responsibilities but that’s not what a man is looking for when he is looking to date you.
Men are looking at whether or not you possess those factors and qualities that signal to him that you would be a good partner and for many, having another man’s kid really isn’t one…
But it also doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
In fact, you can use being a mom to display most of those key qualities’ men look for in a woman.
When a man is looking at you for a real relationship potential, he is evaluating you on an mental and emotional level.
Your beauty only gets you a “hello” or a hookup. It’s who you are that gets you a man.
So, play into that. Lean into your femininity and show him the kind of loving, supporting partner you can be. Instead of talking bad about the baby daddy or how much “you love your kids,” which is a given for all us parents.
Talk about the kind of mother you are and the kind of partner you are so that he can get a sense of what he’s looking for.
Instead of discussing how hard it can be raising kids and how much work it takes, and believe me I have 4 of my own, talk about how you love being a mom and the amazing things you like about it and the things you want with your future man and family.
And emphasize it.
Let him see that you want a family with your future man, not a man to live with the family you’ve already built. In fact, when it comes down to it, this is probably the number 1 fear of dating single moms that I hear from guys.
2. Ignore the judgment and criticism from others
Single moms may encounter judgment and criticism from others who don’t understand or approve of their dating choices. You’re going to face negative comments from your exes, and maybe even families and friends, or even strangers.
The real question is are you going to let what someone else thinks keep you from going out there and finding the man of your dreams?
I personally see so often, women who have their dating confidence stripped away largely because they take in some crap that someone who may not even know them or their situation has said.
Being a single mom doesn’t devalue you. It may change the kinds of men you will date, but then again that may be a good thing as well.
Use your discernment before even scheduling a date to weed out the losers that aren’t going to be a great partner and focus on those real men looking for a real relationship.
3. Use your femininity to challenge the myths and stereotypes
Single moms may also internalize some of the myths and stereotypes about dating as a single mom. They may believe that they are not attractive, desirable, or compatible with potential partners because of whatever mom-based stereotype we can put here.
But the truth is, that’s ridiculous.
You may think that they have no time, energy, or resources for dating. You may worry that their children will be harmed by your dating, or that your partners will not accept your children.
But you need to challenge these myths and stereotypes even to yourself.
Instead of internalizing the stereotype of a single mom not being able to truly give herself or her energy to the relationship and show your Mr. Right that you are devoted to building something real by taking the time for yourself and him.
Show that while your kids are the most important thing in your life, showing them a mom living a happy and healthy life who’s in a successful relationship is what matters to them.
There are key feminine qualities that signal to a man that a woman is a good partner and that drive him to be more attracted and bonded to you.
4. Be honest and clear about your expectations and boundaries
Single moms should be honest and clear about their expectations and boundaries when dating.
Alot of guys will assume “hey she already has a kid/s, she must be easy, or promiscuous.” Sorry ladies it’s true, all you have to do is turn on any ‘red pill’ men’s channel to see it mentioned every few minutes.
But you got to realize that’s no different than what those guys are thinking about girls in the clubs or bars, or women hitting the beach in a sexy bikini, or at the gym in tight shorts.
It’s a basal reactionary kind of emotional knee jerk that really doesn’t matter the moment you say hello as a real person. What matters from that moment on is everything that is real about who you are that means how you present yourself to him.
Instead talk openly about the kind of relationship you want and let him know that you are looking to build something real, because at the end of the day that’s what most guys want as well.
So many times, these dating coaches will give you games and tricks when that’s all totally unnecessary.
You want a genuinely good man, all he wants is a genuinely good woman and the moment he can see that in you, that’s it.
5. Not all guys are worth your time or energy
Don’t settle.
I can’t tell you how often I help amazing young women who continuously settle for guys who either don’t really care for them much more than being an easy situationship or don’t want the same kind of relationship they do.
You need to use discernment when it comes to men because the vast majority are up for playing a little game and talking nice if it means we get to conquer the girl.
Very few are looking purposefully for anything more than that and as a woman period, but especially as a single mom, why would you waste giving yourself in any way to a man who you don’t absolutely know wants the same sort of life path you do?
And if you find yourself in the cycle of one bad guy after the next, you must realize that you are choosing those kinds of men. But that means you can change it!
Look at the kinds of qualities that have driven you to the kinds of guys you’ve been with and the kinds of qualities that the man of your dreams would have. List them out physically so you can see the differences between what you’ve been choosing and what you can choose.
6. Involve your children in your dating life gradually and appropriately
Do you mention your kids on the first date? Well yea, but you can’t make the date focus around them the date should be centered around you and him.
A man wants to date you and while that involves and includes your kids, but it shouldn’t when you’re just getting to know each other.
This is for 2 totally different reasons.
Number 1 obviously, the safety of your family.
You need to build the foundations of a relationship before jumping into the endgame which means you have to do the little steps.
When it is time to begin introducing your kids and him, start small with little outings and don’t put too much expectations or responsibilities onto your man just yet.
Instead let those build naturally as you and your kids’ relationship grow with him.
As a man he is naturally going to want to take on more and more within your life as he gets closer and more attached, so let it develop on his time.
And after a while, if it doesn’t seem to be developing, use that as a sign for your discernment like I stated earlier.
7. Enjoy your dating life, have fun, and pursue your man
It seems like everywhere we turn in the relationship space all we hear about is the dating and marriage crisis.
How they institution of marriage is declining and the percentages of men interested in real relationships is shrinking. In fact, last year Pew Research released a major study showing the majority of men under age 30 are no longer looking for a committed relationship.
But in reality people are driven to find love.
So don’t worry about it because is driven to find you.
Instead of stressing over finding a date, stress over finding the right date. Instead of getting anxiety about if a man will look past the fact that you have kids, put yourself out there as an amazing, fun and feminine woman and men will be drawn to you.
Delete the apps and go into town and say hello to a man you’ve been wanting to approach you. I promise he will take it from there.
Mammas live your life and find Mr. Right
He isn’t going to approach you while your in the living room ladies.
Put yourself out there.
Doll yourself up for the school functions, take a girls night and don’t be afraid to let that handsome guy take you out. It just might be the start of something amazing that lasts a lifetime.