3 Things I Learned From A Bad Date As A Single Mum

So if you are here, I can imagine you haven’t had much luck dating as a single mum… am I right? The dating scene right now can be an absolute circus, not Gonna lie… It’s wild out there people. Navigating dating whilst Single Parenting can be tricky. We often just do not have the Free time to waste on bad dates… or At least that’s what we think.

But what I learned is that, that Bad First date taught me waaaay more than the good ones did…

And do you know why?

Because I learned what I didn’t want in a new partner

I learned what I will not put up with in a new relationship

And most importantly I realised my worth!!!

Have you ever been on a date that was so bad that you actually left?

Have you done the whole…

“I’m just going to the Ladies room.”

Never to return again?

Or just been so over or underwhelmed by your date you just made your excuses and left?

If so, please let us know in the comments below, we would love to hear your dating anecdotes!

There Is Always A Lesson To Be Had

Let me tell you a little story…

I remember, a good few years back, we are talking maybe 10 years now, I had been speaking with this guy for around 2 weeks- Yes online Dating has been around for that Long (and it wasn’t much better then either!)– Although I don’t think Dating Apps were a thing!

We would chat every day and he seemed cool, we got on well, we supposedly were looking for the same thing in life and in a relationship. He was nice and respectful, never tried the whole dirty talk, or “Send me a pic.” He appeared to be a great candidate for a potential partner!

So eventually we arrange a date… He suggests we meet at a local pub… I assume we will be going for drinks… (should have clarified!)

So I got to the pub… go inside… but I can’t see him…

I call him and he tells me, he has no money so can we just sit in the car and talk?!

Erm… No!!!

Anyway… eventually he agrees to come inside the pub.

I buy him a drink… and he proceeds to sit there and explain how poor and pathetic single mums are, how we all need saving, we are a drain on society, how we are all gold diggers and just want a new Dad to provide for our “brats!”

He also added all the usual misconceptions about single parents, we sleep around, will do anything for the right price, have no morals etc, etc…

I sat there absolutely Stunned!

Like wow… This absolute Douche bag has just sponged a drink off of me….but I’m the drain on society? I’m the loser? You wanted me in your car, but I’m morally loose?

Jog on bro…

Bare in mind I was young at this point possibly around 24/25, I didn’t have much confidence at all so I didn’t dare say much… I just made my excuses and left.

Which I regret to this day because if that happened to me now, I would have bought the guy another pint just so I could dump it over his head!!!

So… whilst this was one date I wont forget for all the wrong reasons… how did it help me?

What Did These Bad Experiences Teach Me When Dating As A Single Mum?

Trying to have something that resembles a Love life as a single mum is bloody hard work without people like him making it even harder! But, This as well as many other bad dates (I wont keep you here all day!) have helped me come to some very good realizations…

I would like to point out that before wading through the Dating pool, you should make your own healing and mental health a Top Priority before even considering trying out those dating sites as a single parent. This will ensure that you can navigate situations like mine without getting too wounded or having it affect you too negatively- like I said before… it’s wild out there!

In my healing journey, I have found that listening to others Life experiences and Dating woes, has really helped me to stay in control and not loose my shit when these issues occur! One of my fave dating podcasts is Date Yourself instead- By Lyss Boss. Give it a listen- she has some great advice!

(Disclaimer: I make no money or have any incentives from advertising spotify products.)

And if you are still trying to heal from a previous heart break, then check out my Heartbroken to healed journal!

Or… check out my post on How to heal your broken heart here!

So here are my main takeaways from my horrific dating life, that I hope you will be able to think about when you get that sinking feeling after another failed attempt at dating…

I May Be A Single Mum, But I Have Standards!

Yes, I said it… single mums have standards when looking for potential dates and we are entitled to them!

The Audacity!

For so many years we have been looked down upon by so many… This is a very dangerous thing for single mums to take on board and it has kept me in a terrible dating loop for so long!

Because for a long while, I myself believed that I should just be grateful for whatever attention was thrown my way because I am a single mum, I have landed in some very toxic relationships.

But we are now realizing that we can also set our own standards. Setting standards is important for everyone, but Dating as a single mum is different than dating as single women and setting standards is even more important when trying to find a good partner!

Read more about setting standards as a single mum here!

I would like to point out that the same goes for Single Dads too!

Dating standards will be different for everyone, but some of mine include…

Must be able to provide for himself- Now, I am not a gold digger, I can provide very well for myself, but I do not want a man that I need to take care of (obviously there are exceptions to this and give and take in long-term relationships).

I want a man with ambition (I’m not saying rich), But I want to build and grow with someone!

I want Mutual respect, Trust, and honesty, good communication, an active listener… these are all very important to me!

The other thing that we obviously have to take into consideration as a single parent dating, is… do I want this man or his lifestyle around my children?!

Will he be a positive or a negative influence on not only mine, but my children’s lives?

And now when I date, if these standards are not met… I’m not interested!

I know what I don’t want in a man

We can all sit there and list all of the things we want in a guy or girl…

1. 6ft2
2. Earns £50k
3. own house/car/job
4. Has great abs/boobs/butt

(These are not my requirements by the way… just making a point and going off of the fact that all us single mums are gold digging sl**s 🙂 )

But I really do believe that its not until you are sat in front of a guy who you cannot stand, or treats you appallingly, that you realize what you don’t want in a man or a relationship!

I can safely say that as I said above I don’t want a man I need to look after…

I Don’t want a man who will put me (or other women) down or talk derogatively about women at all (I dated a guy who did nothing but speak about women in a sexual way, and it was such an ick! to say the least!)

I don’t want a man who is emotionally unavailable, or who cannot express his feelings in a mature way.

When we are dating as a single mum, although our relationships may initially not include the children, they may very well down the line, so we must consider whether this is the right person and that you would want them around your children.

No man will ever again enter into mine or my children’s lives unless he lives up to my very high standards!