2 Reasons High Dating Standards Are Important For Single Mums

What would happen if you had high dating standards?

Would you be dating the same people you are now?

Or would you be dating better?

For years single mums have been made to believe that we are somehow less than other women…

We are used goods… poor… lazy… irresponsible… only have babies to mooch off the government… feral (the last one can sometimes be true to me on mums night out… but I digress!)

This backwards, stereotypical thinking has left so many of us falling into the trap of taking this on as our identity.

Unfortunately for many of us this has meant we have sought out or settled for terrible and toxic partners…

We are taught that no one would want us, so we take any bit of attention thrown our way… (not true for everyone but it is a common theme.)

Some of us have not gone on to better ourselves educationally, financially (I speak about bettering your finances here), or spiritually…

Why?

Because we have felt unworthy…

Further fueling the labels bestowed upon us.

For many years, I fell into the trap of poverty, depression and sadness…

I had no motivation to better myself.

Why would I?

I was just a single mum. Not even a woman… a single mum.

But the fact of the matter is, we are still women.

And more so…

We are incredible women!

Now these days these stereotypes are slowly been faded out as single mums all over the world are changing their self-image, uplevelling their beliefs in themselves and raising their standards.

So many more single mums are running their own successful businesses…

Owning their own homes…

Bossing their finances…

And as a result…

Living a high quality life!

So why should we settle for less when it comes to our dating life?

We shouldn’t.

Before I narrow down 2 reasons why high dating standards are important for single mums let’s just clarify what they are.

What are dating standards?

Dating standards should be in alignment with what you want from a relationship.

But it’s not about superficial or materialistic things.

This is where some people get confused and some people set unrealistic standards.

I mean you want what you want but if you are thinking that having standards means that you will only date someone who is…

• 6ft2
• muscular/ big d***/ big boobs/nice ass
• drives a range
• earns 60k a year and
• Owns their own home

You may be being a little unrealistic…

Sure there are people out there who have all of those things and more but regardless of weather your a single mum or not, those people are few and far between, and that is not necessarily going to bring you into alignment with what you truly want.

Plus that person may have all those things, but they may also be a terrible person!

Its unlikely somebody will tick every single box on your list…

So we have to have a balance of being unrealistic and having high standards.

Standards are what you hold firm on when it comes to what you want and need from a partner and a relationship.

Your standards define what you want and need from a partner in order to feel loved, valued, and secure.

And your values will be different from the next persons…

As I said above, they need to be in alignment with you!

Examples of dating standards

In the coming weeks I will write a post delving deeper into different standards but for the sake of this post here are a few pointers to get you started on setting your standards.

The bare minimum

These are the deal breakers and in any relationship, each party should be able to provide the bare minimum.

Again this may vary from person to person but for me the bare minimum, meaning what i will absolutely never compromise on is…

• Have respect for my boundaries
• A good listener
• Good hearted
• Is respectful towards me and other women
• Does not stray, not even a little
• A good communicator (I like a guy to update me occassionally through the day and check how I am too)
• Not controlling or too jealous (a little is ok)
• No ex on the scene at all (unless co-parenting obviously, but they should 100% be over them!)
• Supportive of my goals
• Make me a priority (after children, work, and personal goals), I will not fight for a spot in your schedule – make time or miss out buddy!

High standards

So these are my personal high standards… or some of them..

These are some of my high standards that are just that bit above the bare minimum, but again we do need to compromise occasionally…

Just not too much!

• Ambitious (I want to build and grow with someone)
• House trained (I have 3 teenagers… i will not be taking care of another one… thank you!)
• financially secure (I can provide for myself no problem and do not expect a man to provide for me, but I also will not be providing for you. I want to be a team with as much equality as possible.)
• Likes to travel
• Committed to self improvement

As you can see, these are not materialistic…

Yes I would love a guy with all these qualities who is also over 6ft, has a good beard, dad bod and tattoos…

But a girls gotta compromise somewhere.

How to figure out what your high dating standards are?

In order to set your standards, you need to figure out exactly what you need in and from a relationship.

I would urge you to take some time to jot down some non-negotiables.

As I mentioned in my previous post 3 reasons going on rubbish dates as a single mum is an amazing thing, going on bad dates can really clear up what you do not want in a relationship!

Finally… lets look at why having high dating standards for single parents in so, so important…

1. You and your partner are setting an example for your children

It does not matter if this man who could potentially spend time in your home or with your children is their father or not…

They will have an impact on them and leave an impression!

Do you really want someone around your children who is inconsistent?

Who comes and goes in and out of yours and possibly their lives whenever it suits them?

Do you want someone who degrades or is disrespectful towards women or anyone for that matter?

Your children may pick up on that and either be insulted or start doing it themselves!

I dated a guy once, (I will go into it fully on another post as that was a whole unbelievable situation!) who as we were on a date, made comments about women walking past…

“look at the state of her!”

“I wouldn’t mind climbing on top of that!”

Ewww… Ick… gross… get in the bin!

He would also make A lot of not very discrete, sexual inuendos towards me, around my children, borrowed money and never paid it back and did nothing but lie and then went back to his ex…

Standards ladies… Standards!!!

Nope, sorry that’s not for me, it’s rude, degrading, disrespectful and I don’t want it around my children!

And I am assuming you wouldn’t either!

So when setting your standards also consider what you want around your children.

I want someone who is going to show love, kindness, respect, and add to our lives… not creep us out, neglect us or make us feel unworthy!

2. You are gold

Friend, you are a boss!

You rock being a mum, sister, friend, business owner, mcdonalds worker- whatever you do, you rock it!!!

So why settle for less?

When you settle for less than the bare minimum or even only the bare minimum, you are doing yourself a disservice and holding yourself back from the life and love you truly deserve!

Never, ever listen when someone tells you to just settle!

Do not listen to that inner critic that tells you that just because you have children, you have nothing to offer!

You are the freaking prize!

You deserve only the best.

Just because we are single mums, we are not damaged goods, we are not lepurs, we are not sex toys!

We are strong, amazing, intelligent and worthy human beings who deserve just as much, if not more respect and love from high quality people as much as anyone else does!

If you are still struggling through a previous heartbreak, then my journal Heartbroken to healed will really help you gain back peace and clarity.

If you have any of your non-negotiables you would like to share or just want to tell us a story then leave us a comment below!